How do you invite contributions in your home-education group?

...especially if you'd like it to be a regenerative one.

Getting out of the house to be around other home educating families often involves entering into a space organised by other home educators. Part of stepping up to take responsibility for our children’s education can involve creating shared experience.

Trips and educational sessions can be booked with places who have extended their offerings beyond school classes. Another route is to book and organise spaces in local village halls and city rooms for more informal and collaborative activities.

It works well if a small group of families in the area are keen for a regular meeting space. This way you can pay for the whole term between you to ensure the hire costs are covered. It helps to give an incentive like £5 discount for full term payment.

It also encourages commitment by payment upfront and you are more likely to arrive to enjoy the presence of other families, rather than risking being the only ones there.

Shared Risk

Sharing responsibility can be tricky, especially in the absence of clarity. Taking on the role of finances is a clear one; someone simply collects and stores the money, plus pays the venue. Publicity at its simplest is to announce the event on social media. Set-up and tidy up is also a relatively easy contribution.

When a group of people come together like with a home-ed co-op, any amount of shared risk begins to work its community building magic. Shared risk says,

“we’re in it together”.

The next question is, “how is this going to work fairly?”

Organising Activities

I’ve tried a number of organisational strategies over the years to encourage participation and fair contribution. The first is to do it all yourself and be the host every week. This could work as long as it’s something you genuinely enjoy doing, have the energy for it and think it’s sustainable. However, I like to encourage a variety of contributions to keep it spicey!

Sharing responsibility for the activities could be organised according to ‘per term collaboration’, a rota or simply ‘bring & share’.

Per-term Collaboration

This involves having a planning meeting at the end of every term in preparation for the following term. With about 6 days to cover, getting heads together to create a program means people can talk about their children’s interests which could receive an offer from someone who’s energised by the idea, or has some sort of link they can follow up for booking someone. The benefits are that there’s clarity on what’s happening in advance.

The danger of this method is that for various reasons it could end up always being the same people who volunteer ideas or organisation.

Rota

Having a rota where each family puts their name down to organise a day means that each family would only have only one day in a while to cover and can just turn up and enjoy what’s provided the rest of the time. Having a theme for the term can be helpful.

This is where it starts to get interesting, because a lot of people aren’t in a position to organise a day for others. Home education is challenging enough, and everyone has a different baseline of comfortable activity. What feels alive for one, can feel like overwhelm to another. Neither is wrong, just different.

It may be that they have a high-need child, or new baby. They may be struggling with exhaustion, depression or anxiety. They may just be incredibly introvert and the idea of hosting is enough to send them running. Especially when there are particularly loud or prominent voices that always seem to speak up first without allowing much space for the quieter voices and slower energies.

I’ve always been fascinated with what it is that encourages and discourages participation.

Barriers to Participation

Over the years I’ve listened to many home educators’ issues with participation, and I think it comes down to 2 things:

1)     Questioning your worth

2)     Questioning your capacity

The first being more a question of confidence, and the second one of discerning healthy boundaries.

It’s a funny thing home educating. Initially like extending that awful early parenting comparison, “their baby sleeps through the night, eats well, never cries, etc…” becomes,

“That parent has twins and still manages to organise something good for the group. I can’t even manage play dough ingredients. What’s the matter with me!” Working against our inner critics can be incapacitating.

We are quick to judge what we perceive as a mum’s home-ed capacity, “they’re more educated, capable, full of ideas, etc… nothing I offer will be good enough”.

One thing I love about co-ops that expect each person to host is that it invites variety. When its always the same two people offering, it runs the risk of being just one flavour. It suits some, others not so well. When it’s a mix up of approaches it adds to the richness.

Everyone gets to experience things they might not otherwise have, and everyone learns something, even if its only about stepping back to make space for others to step forward or inviting in simplicity and firm boundaries. It doesn’t have to be elaborate, often the simplest things are best received as it comes with lightness and joy.

Commitment v Capacity

I know a lot of home educators are afraid to commit. This can be because we may already lead a high tension, high responsibility life and we need to be careful of what we take on, especially if it leads to an expectation beyond our own children’s needs.

I’ve ended up many times where I’m prioritising my commitment to other families above my own. It makes me question my involvement. Question the purpose.

When it comes down to it, it’s to do with the importance I place on the activity as something of value for my children. If it’s creating a space in which my children get to interact with other children and thrive, then I struggle to say no, as it’s so valuable to them.

This raises the capacity v commitment question and it’s a tough one. I may feel fully committed to the co-op, it has great value to me and my children, but do I have the capacity to give beyond what I’m already doing right now?

I know some parents won’t get involved in organising because they won’t sacrifice their capacity to show up as the best mum they can to their children. Unwilling to risk inviting in stress for the sake of ensuring a home-ed facility is available to them.

What is enough?

Which raises the question, is it enough of a contribution to simple turn up consistently and pay your subs? Personally, I think yes, as we need people to make it a vibrant and alive environment. I would also never underestimate the contribution of someone who ‘just turns up’ and is able to be calm, present, and available to other members. It’s a contribution of stability and support.

I see things in the long term and bigger picture, and my desire to create a nurturing environment for my children socially means that they will have the opportunity to build relationships beyond me, and as a family we will all benefit.

Having a high-need daughter means that building a strong loving community works well for us. If she feels known and accepted then I can get some space to nourish my relationships as well.

There was a time early on where I was unable to contribute due to me daughter’s high needs, and my own anxiety and exhaustion. Eventually, I worked out that I could arrive early and set up as she was fine with me putting her down if there weren’t ‘scary’ strangers around. As time went on and we became more firmly embedded within the community, I was able to step forward more. I could then serve people who found themselves in the position I’d previously been in.

I’d found it a lifeline, and wanted to extend the blessing to others.

Resentment

It’s interesting what can bring on judgement in a home-ed co-op. Our own community’s exploration of this through NVC highlighted that things we are often resentful of are usually the things where we perceive someone is receiving something that we are longing for. Like to be cared for, for ease, or to simply enjoy a service by socialising with interesting people.

And let’s face it, the job of a mum these days is a high expectation role. Taking on more has to be something that feels nourishing for us, when already we have enough to manage.

If you find yourself resenting the way another person participates, it could be a useful pointer into what it is you need. Is there a way you could work out meeting that need? Could you ask for support?

Regenerative Systems

The thing about those of us interested in positive social change, anything where a new path is being laid, we have such a strong sense of purpose, we’re motivated to make it work. This can mean that we put in more than we have to give and burn out.

Hence the move towards creating regenerative systems.

This is where nature shows itself as the best guide. Most of society is set up according to the masculine energy of action. Valuing those who seem to be actively contributing in some way.

But nature works in cycles, ebbs and flows. Sometimes it is blossoming with obvious exuberance, other times it is much more subtle.

Real community is made up of every type of person at every life stage. Some are totally out there and wanting to serve, others just need to be cared for. We can never know the privilege or lack of that a person has received growing up, or in their parenting or home-ed experience. We have no idea the level of trauma a person may be experiencing.

A regenerative space is one where people’s experience of attending is where they leave feeling regenerated. The space is somehow nourishing. A culture of compassion contributes to this, where people are genuinely interested in each other, and of mutual support. This could be fostered with things like a shared soup, where everyone brings a vegetable to chuck in the pot, or a listening circle. It could be a shared silence with a candle for 5 minutes, or a collective tidy up effort. It could be story corner or radical resting.

It's not just a question of what we ‘do’ together, but how we can ‘be’ together.

Radical Responsibility

Radical responsibility is a welcome part of regenerative systems. It is honouring the individual’s ability to discern what is right for them. And this can be difficult, especially when most of us have come through the school system with all its expectations to shut down our line of self-communication. Our childhoods were dominated by an outside source deciding when it’s ok to be hungry, to speak, to be interested, to laugh, to dream, to pee, etc… It’s no wonder we’re all trying to re-learn how to self-connect to our own feelings and needs right now.

I like to take the approach that respects people’s ability to self-manage, without undue expectation to contribute in a way that others deem enough. I can’t help feeling that if people feel unconditionally accepted, that in time they will emerge into the community, start to feel a sense of belonging and value, and contribute from the heart in their own time.

Bring & Share

Bring and share is also known as Open Source Technology. It’s where any person of any age or ability is welcome to bring something along to share. They are responsible for what it is, when it is and for how long it’s shared.

It can be anything from pizza making, to crafts, to board games and field games to songs and discussion points. Literally, anything a person is interested in and wants to share. This kind of approach supports emergence. As people feel more comfortable, they gradually start to step forward in their own time, as they start to find their feet and recognise their capacity.

Such openness can support creativity and is also a great way for all members, both parents and children to start to offer things they’d like to share. It is very inclusive and empowering!

People coming together to share experiences in their home-educating journey can look simple on the outside, however, everyone’s ability to participate varies. It can be a source of challenge, and sometimes even conflict. If you would like support in creating a regenerative home-ed co-op, please get in touch. I’d love to hear all about it.

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