… then I chose to home-educate!

A little piece about what happened when I stripped out the mainstream.

When was the moment I decided to strip out the mainstream way of living? When did I become starkly aware of the mismatch it was for me? Perhaps it was at those big transition moments like having a first child, and that child starting school. I have an inkling it was long before that.

Soooo      many      expectations.

How many of us truly enquire inside of ourselves and ask, “is this what I really want, or is it just the done thing?”. That which everyone else is doing, as if on autopilot.

I didn’t want to give birth in a hospital, I wasn’t unwell, and the comfort of my own home was just right. I didn’t have a need to feed my children anything other than mothers’ milk for 6 months, it was perfect, and my babies were thriving.

I still bask in the beauty of having co-slept with my children, a blessing that’s continued to nurture a deep connection, especially during hard times. Our nervous systems got to sync and get soothed while we slept, like magic ointment or a cure-all.

I declined any synthetic drugs and chose instead to qualify as a herbalist and use only nature plant medicines, plus food, love and stories as our healers.

I encouraged authentic self-expression.

These choices placed me on the fringes, left me being ‘othered’, feeling excluded, unfit for company, unaccepted and lonely.

Then…

I chose to home educate!

A huge leap in the stripping away of expectations to live in a way that felt more congruent, again furthering me from all I’d previously known.

It was like magic!

Before long, my loneliness began to lift. I found a place I belonged. Seamlessly merging into a community of people who’d also been othered for their significant life choices, especially in childrearing, and often including to live authentically, not masking for acceptance.

I’m not saying that everyone in home-ed is exclusive natural medicine, vegan, home-birthing, breastfeeding, babywearing, co-sleeping, TV free and into mindfulness. Rather that there is respect for all the different life choices and more of a you-do-you, and I’ll-do-me ethic.

Home-educators have different views and have made independent life choices that reflect their unique needs. This can still be a source of conflict. For example, it can be challenging when creating a new home-ed co-op where parents hold different educational philosophies. It is well known that one of the big home-ed continuums we all work within is where we sit from structured school-at-home approach, on the one hand through to complete freedom of unschooling on the other.

Despite these differences, we recognise that it gives us a sense of power in being part of a community, and togetherness is more reassuring than aloneness. We now had company in what mainstream society deemed as madness. But to us the rest of the world was mad. We wanted to take responsibility for our life choices, not feel like we were dolls on a conveyor belt.

In the words of Eddie Vedder in the song ‘Society’:

Society, you're a crazy breed

I hope you're not lonely without me

Society, crazy indeed

I hope you're not lonely without me

Society, have mercy on me

I hope you're not angry if I disagree

Society, crazy indeed

I hope you're not lonely Without me

This song was a great comfort to me. My husband put it on a CD compilation he made for me, and I remember rocking my baby whilst singing along. It made me feel less alone and more validated.

Rich teachings

Often it feels like the world is sleeping, unable to question the way of the mainstream. Unwilling to stand out, to stand alone and to risk the unknown. It is true that we had to carve out a new path unknown, and that swimming against the tide is more of a challenge. However, that path has been one of adventure and joy, as well as challenge and awakening.

Incredibly rich teachings.

I do not believe I’d have experienced life with such rawness and depth and aliveness as any other path open to me. And as for my children, they have also deeply benefited from our educational freedom and natural exploration of the world.

So… what happened when I stripped away the mainstream?

I came face to face with responsibility and so did my children. This is incredibly empowering. To live life awake rather and in conscious choice than in a predominantly passive state.

There are many choices in life, and to consider them is freedom. To conform and follow the well-trodden path was just not for me. It never was. OK it is easier to outsource birthing, meals, and education. I just wish that I had have been accepted in my choices sooner, or that I’d not cared a fudge about the judgements. But then my life is all the richer for having had these criticisms to unpick.

I cannot help but walk this earth with my eyes wide open. My children also. And yes, we do see things differently. Of course, we do, we’ve followed the path less travelled.

Exploring terrains

I’ve personally travelled the depth and breadth of all human emotions, exploring terrains I never could have imagined. The dark, the light and liminal spaces. Intentionally slow. At our pace, the only pace that matters.

What I’ve discovered is the incredible power of nature, of our nature, and of community; people to share the rhythms of life with. People unafraid to have deep dialogue, shatter assumptions and even transform their beliefs towards those which are more life-giving. For me, for you, for all our human-folk, and non-human beings, and for our dear Earth, which is often downtrodden with mindlessness.

I wish to transform this sleeping world into one that’s aware of the choices they have, willing to take responsibility, and in recognition of what a privilege it is to have the freedom to follow our heart. I believe home-educating supports this.

Anyone who has a choice to make in any given moment, if that choice is made from a regulated nervous system; from a person at ease in their own skin, able to access love because they’re held in connection with loved ones, communities, the planet, how can that choice not be a gift of love and nourishment for all? We have a long way to go, and I truly believe home-education will contribute towards this.

I wish upon all beings that they may all know deep loving connection, feel known, and have a strong sense of mattering.

Work with me

If you are a fellow home-educator, either just starting out, having an out-of-love moment, or facing a new home-ed challenge, I am here to help. I can listen without judgement, help you gain clarity, and accompany you through challenges. I can also prescribe you effective herbal medicines that will uplift. nourish and hold you. Get in touch at www.healthneedsthyme.co.uk