What am I committing myself to? … on top of being a mum!

I love nature and so camping is the obvious choice of a holiday. I also love meeting new people, hearing their stories, being inspired by creative offerings, being energised by thought leaders and connecting to my body through movement, dance, meditation, and song. This sounds like the makings of a festival! However, I have now discovered that I can also meet all these needs by attending facilitated community camps, where there are clear intentions of practice and a culture of care, conscious choice, mutual learning and growth.

My first NVC camp was the NVC Summerfest in 2016 where I offered to co-organise the children’s space within a team of three. We hosted bubble blowing, a treasure hunt, badge making, art, junk modelling, story time, etc… It was at a time in my parenting life where I felt exhausted caring for my three children, then 5, 7 and 10. Packing for camp is quite a feat for a family and adding the extra activity resources tipped me over the edge. As a result, I arrived even more exhausted and in desperate need of rest and recovery… And yet we still had to set up camp. And then meet and engage with new people.

Obviously, packing for the basic sleeping and eating needs is non-negotiable and I’d like to say I was still able to meet my family’s emotional needs of settling into a new environment, yet I had firmly committed to offering daily children’s activities and this was in exchange for a ticket, so felt like a ‘had to’ in terms of fulfilling it.

The needs of the children came before mine, because at that time I was working from the assumption that keeping them happy meant I could be happy. As a result, I lost self-connection and became unable even to acknowledge my own needs, let alone try to meet them.

I remained committed to the camp as my experience was one of feeling heard, being seen in my efforts, and feeling like my needs mattered. Six camps later I now fully advocate our change of emphasis from a festival to an annual community of practice camp. We encourage participation, valuing all needs and making community-based decisions. It is now very much a co-created space based upon the needs, skills, and capacity of the community.

I have since learned a lot about what I can take on and hold for others whilst still preserving my ability to hold myself and my family enough to show up and engage in a way that feels fulfilling. I’ve attended this annual camp for 8 years now, the last 3 being focused on recreating the village and building community according to NVC principles. Not only concerned with personal growth but also with how to build culture and systems that are life-promoting.

In the early years I found I had a great need for healing; to be heard, to be seen, and to matter. I’ve now reached a place where I have a genuine need to contribute. My capacity has expanded, along with my self-awareness. This highlights to me again that we are all in different need spaces and this mix can include those, like me, who had only enough capacity to turn up and soak in the atmosphere, perhaps even offering snippets of their life experience for us to witness and raise our level of awareness and compassion through their unique stories. For the beauty of this contribution cannot be underestimated.

Reflecting on my NVC journey, I have found that slow change is most sustainable, and this is why I enjoy coming to camp year after year, for it acts as an anchor. Each year I notice I arrive with a new focus or need that I’m trying to meet. Like the commitment v capacity challenge, or navigating the multiple needs of my children, or this year how to meet my need for contribution.

To me this annual camp is like an active-reflective pause, a moment in my life to acknowledge where I may be stuck or upholding unhelpful systems or thoughts. I can try to find some support and gain some movement.

I now see how support comes in many different colours and ultimately acts to help us meet a need in the moment. I like that at camp I have choice on my doorstep of how I can access support, whether its informal conversation, facilitated dialogue, explorative workshops, fireside celebration or playful field games (to flip the switch on my vagus nerve from fight or flight to rest & restore). It could be having my request for a particular workshop met or witnessing others in their meaningful process. Because I find witnessing just as powerful as being witnessed, and all the while my limiting beliefs are being eased out, my jackals are connecting to their hearts, being acknowledged, celebrated and transformed!

To me it's like an annual cleanse or a mental and emotional spring clean. Attention to emotional hygiene perhaps. Raising awareness of what areas may need attention and seeking the learning and support to do so.

As well as meeting my need for inspiration, depth, challenge and growth, I also really love and appreciate the lightness that comes from a collective desire to share fun and playfulness whilst experiencing living as a village outdoors and within nature. I am grateful for the opportunity to co-regulate my nervous system with the birds, bees, and trees, as well as all the crafts, games, and skills brought by the facilitators. It offers me a complete package towards inhabiting greater inner and outer peace in my life!

As an individual I’m learning how to better hold myself, and as a community we are collectively learning how to recreate a village held within a culture of compassion. We hear each other’s stories, witness the elation or disorientation of new learning, or simply just enjoy being in an environment which celebrates diversity, as well as recognising our interconnectedness and shared humanity.

I know I now have much greater self-awareness through the practice of NVC, including more accurate awareness of my capacity and how to grow it whenever I want to serve. I now try to gauge my capacity before I commit to offer my service so that I can show up in a way that feels joyful and fulfilling. I also love experimenting with ways of expanding my capacity through many means.

Coming together to live as a village through these years, I have learned that in community, whether that be a family unit, interest group, community of practice, or locality, it is the combined engagement of both parties; the individual taking responsibility for their self-care needs, (or gaining clarity on them & requesting support to meet them), and the community adapting and evolving its structures and systems in a way that is energising and life-promoting.

This is why a community of practice is so important to me. It is participatory, where all needs matter and we make community-based decisions that reflect our values of compassionate connection, heart-centred communication, and a culture of learning.

I want to keep up this annual check-in to make new connections, reengage my intentions, keep my practice alive, continue to grow as a person and as a community. Because together we are stronger.

I am committed to growing my capacity to hold myself with compassion, and to remain self-aware so that I can give from a full cup to that which matters to me most: my family, my NVC community of practice and its wider purpose in the world; to foster heart-centred communication and choices that are life-promoting for all, both human and non-human.

If you are interested in joining the NVC camp this year, please follow this link to our Facebook page NVC Community Camp, South West (https://fb.me/e/2WN73Vd8k), or ring me on 07805 810631 for further details. You can also find out more on seedofpeace.org . The camp welcomes those new to NVC as well as intermediate and long timers!