Why I think Home Educating Mums Rock!
- Sarah-Jane Cobley
- Mar 8, 2024
- 5 min read
Thoughts shared in honour of International Women’s Day (8th March)
It’s often the mums who make the decision to home-educate, sometimes without the blessing of the dad and it’s a lot to take on. It’s a full-time occupation, and yet it often comes with being a ‘housewife’, and often being a ‘working’ mum as well.
My situation was slightly different. I became pregnant at age 26 whilst ‘working’ on a full-time university degree. The course of my dreams that took me since I left school to discover. I continued studying whilst home-educating as it was more than just a qualification, becoming a herbalist was learning a new way of life. One which resonated deeply, and one that I absolutely love.
However, it meant that whilst all my old friends moved back into being ‘working’ mums, I was still a stay-at-home mum with no ‘job’.
Being a working mum
Being a working mum. Hmmm. Let’s unpick that one. Generally, the term ‘working mum’ is reserved for those of us working for someone else in exchange for renumeration, whether that’s on an employed or self-employed basis.
But is there such a thing as a ‘non-working mum?’ Is that even possible?
When I consider the terms we use for how we spend our days, occupation and purpose sit more softly with me. My occupation for the past 18 years has been raising my children with a home-educated approach. It is a full-time occupation that requires a lot of inner resources, management skills, counselling, and coaching.
In fact, if we were to make a proper list of all we do as home-ed mums, it would be extensive.
Do you remember the book, “what mothers do, even when it looks like nothing?”, (Naomi Stadlen). It wasn’t a how-to parenting book, just a collection of authentic real-life stories direct from the experience of mums today. I found it very liberating, and it empowered me to do it my way. Whatever that was. But to trust that we would find our own path and that it is more than ok to be different. Variety is the spice of life. One reason why I wholeheartedly believe in the path of home-education.
Purpose
To me the purpose of education is to foster a love of exploration and discovery, to enjoy the process of learning and to value our deepening understanding of the world, including ourselves. Supported by caregivers that are loving and responsive, so that it can be an adventure and a celebration. It’s ok to have challenges to meet, but not if they are way beyond our capacity day after day, because that level of extended stress leads to a trauma response, shut down, or exhaustion.
The way I defined the purpose of education was with our children in mind, however, we all share our humanness and the way I see it, I’ve also been exploring, discovering, learning and deepening through our home-education journey.
So again, I say its ok to have challenges to meet, but not if they are way beyond our capacity, day after day. That level of extended stress does not allow us to flourish in our role and in meeting our purpose. And it means that whilst we are fully occupied with trying to meet all the needs of our children, our needs can get left by the wayside.
Values and Systems
As home-ed mums we have a responsibility to meet the needs of our children day after day, rather than outsourcing to a school for the majority of the week. This can involve trying to meet multiple needs at once, and can become overwhelming at times, or involve becoming a taxi service to access other mentors.
But because this home-ed lark is our main occupation, we take it seriously. We lie in bed holding challenges with love, whilst exploring the corners of our minds for solutions to create a little more peace, ease and joy.
I’m not so sure how valued mothering is. How much people realise the importance of what we do. To my mind I see that the mental and emotional health of the next generation lies with us, and I feel much more confident in meeting that when the clutter of the school system is removed. School is just too much. Cluttered up with too much focus on focusing, not enough time spent on play and relating. But that’s my opinion.
Schools use their systems to support a collective desired outcome, and we as home-educators get to create our own family systems specific to the needs of our family.
We must wholeheartedly realise our mum-awesomeness and endeavour to include meeting our own needs in our family set-up. If our everyday systems support our own mental and emotional wellbeing, then we are well-equipped to nurture the same in our children.
Supermums
I’ve noticed that I feel admiration for those mums who regularly organise playdates in advance, those who are creative and always ready with something fun, mums who seem permanently calm and cheerful, those who are honest and authentic, the go-with-the-flow mums, and the ones who seem to manage their boundaries well. I’m especially in awe of the mums that really seem to love being with children, (all the time!), and the ones that the teens love to be around.
I may try to meet all the needs of my children, plus my own needs and those of my other work, indeed, our culture expects it of us, but is it really possible?. To be a Supermum, capable of all? Mums today are pretty overloaded, and under supported. It’s no wonder we look at other mums and admire their strengths.
Sharing
We cannot fulfil everything we wish to, or indeed are expected to. Covering every role is just not possible. This is why I rave about community. Each of us have a strength or passion or something we tend to gravitate towards. This is why community works so well. No-one has to do everything, because community means sharing.
Even if that sharing is simply sharing space to co-regulate, sharing a cuppa with light chitchat. In these moments, it is my belief that we would serve each other well, if we were more intentional about reminding each other about how much we Mums Rock!
Actually, we are Supermums. We’re all bloody brilliant!
Offer:
As a relative home-ed ‘elder’, (meaning I’ve been a home-ed mum for a pretty long time: 18 years!), I have a good idea of the ins and outs of home-ed from my own experience and from witnessing other parents along the way.
It’s super important to me that home-ed remains a path we are free to choose in the UK and so I dedicate my work to helping other home-ed parents work out how to create a home-ed life that fits their family’s needs. If home-ed works well for us, word will spread, more families will get the chance to enjoy a positive home-ed experience, and in our solidarity, we will ensure its survival for families to come. Promoting variety in the next generation.
If you would value being accompanied while you work things out in your home-ed life, then get in touch, I’d love to get to know you.
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